Just make yourself at home - or how interior styling helped my grief become less overwhelming.

Home...

To start my interiors journey with you all and to explain the joy interior styling & design gives me I felt I wanted to share openly a difficult and emotional subject. I hope it will inspire you all to seize the day and not worry about following aesthetic & creative rules or what others expect of you.

Finding the words to write this post have been difficult - tricky in fact. I wanted to write a little, in way of explanation, of how I came to be decorating a whole house from scratch. And how in these trying circumstances this feels and why this has taught me how important your surroundings are and how expressing yourself through them can help get through hard times as well as make your life happier & positive.

Late November 2010 I was woken by the shock news my father had dropped dead in the night. I was 31 years old, living in a flat in west London with my boyfriend, working in heritage - having spent many years pursuing a career in the arts ( mainly galleries & art installation) - I thought I had been making a difference to my life by slightly changing direction, that what 'I do' was indeed who I was. From the moment I received that phone call I would begin to realise this is far from the truth. This was the start of a huge attitude and lifestyle change & months of pretty dark moments.

Fast forward 16 months I'm sitting in a hospital ward - my mother laying beside me dying. Having been admitted to hospital she was dead within a week. So, you see life threw me a huge curve ball. I was alone ( I had my fiancé and my sister of course) but I was now officially alone. I was the 'grown up' - now I was to be the person people referred to not my dad nor my mum. I had to be in charge. I was getting married this year and I had suddenly lost everything.

Our wedding in October 2012, a dear friend walked me up the aisle, we had no "top table" at the reception and I just couldn't cry as I knew if I started I wouldnt stop, everyone else did and I felt awful for not doing so! The bottom images are my parents marrying in September 1970 a few weeks later they move into the house we inherited. So on my dad's death they had lived there together for 40 years.

Things moved on a pace, the funeral, planning my wedding, the death of my fiancées grandmother, being signed off from work from stress, dealing with my parents estate, our wedding day, then yet another death this time of my wonderful Aunt. It was a whirlwind of emotional extremes.

I was not to be given a chance to breathe and understand what had happened since that day in 2010. This I discovered was in fact a good thing as it forced me to plunge head first into my future and attempt to bring some beauty & honesty to what I can only say was a stressful, horrible blur of the last two years.

It's late 2012 I'm standing in the house I grew up in packed full of my parents belongings, familiar things, they smelt of them, described them, illustrated them, they where tangible links to who they where and their memory. They made me feel safe and reassured me I could cope with their loss.

The front room before we began injecting our style and personality.

My husband and I had decided to move in and make it out home following in my parents footsteps. I had to consider many, many things and had to do the hardest thing - begin. At this time everything so raw, each tiny thing we did filled me full of confilcting emotions...

One of the first things we did was rip up the old stair carpet and use the hall as storage for the boxes of things we had to sort through. We spent almost three years negotiating boxes and bags in the hall way as we decided what to do with various things from various rooms, hold on to them, recycle them, donate them, re purpose them or store them.

As the changes to our surroundings began, massive changes like having to replace the 40 year old boiler and relocate the new one upstairs, to tiny things like buying a new kettle I had no idea what end result I would be - nor what any of this would make me feel. Even to this day I find my reaction to making this our home a moving experience.

One thing was clear as I went through my parents belongings - this place was theirs - every corner showed me more about them. This reminded me how my dad had always told me 'do whatever you want in life as long as it makes you truly happy' and how my mum was always telling me I came from a long line of strong women.

With these positive truths ringing in my ears I knew I could finally really embrace the house, the fact this was their home and mine as child gave me a wonderful feeling of calm but I knew it was a chance to make this house into my home again. This time as an adult with a husband and our own unique tastes and inspirations.

Many items like the bureau in the photo above had such stong memories and was lovely quality I knew I could not get rid of it and have kept it in our scheme. This gorgeous worn out sofa which I remember from my teenage years was particlarly hard to get rid of ( exspecially as my father past away on it) I hung on to it for as long as possible as it some how reassured me amongst all the chaos I was experiencing ... I felt as if somehow held on to his essence ( not realising the whole house did not what was in it) however the sofa was on its last legs and despite being a classic design was no longer comfortable so I made the decision to buy a new one and they day the John Lewis man took it away and replaced it with a beautiful new sofa it was hard. I cried - sat there on my new sofa but it was also very liberating and helped me grieve in a different way.

We where lucky much of the decor my parents had chosen over the years was good quality, we where able to keep certain pieces that looked good as new and of those we did part with I knew they would be snapped up as they where most attractive. We knew we could then begin to add our finds and purchases to the house, we where happy everything was not brand new and each item has a story behind it - and so we have begun to add to this.

The main task was the sorting, we sorted and sorted it never seemed to stop, bit by bit I was able to feel comfortable and akwardly excited that we where to style and decorate our home. I would have moments of guilt but they would disintergrate every time I rearranged part of the house, bought a new bit of furniture ( or rather new to us as lot of what we buy is second hand) or painted over something. As it revealed the house was slowly becoming our home.

The painting began a lot later than you would expect, unlike an empty house in which you paint then move your belongings into- we on the other hand had four peoples belongings in one house and two of which where collected over a life time. All this had to be dealt with both practically and emotionally before any paint tins where opened. The change of colour although the most recent update - was perhaps the hardest part as you physically and emotionally feel like you are painting out people from the building. As daft as it sounds it has been an emotional process. We are almost done with the paint in the downstairs rooms and as it progresses I feel a great sense of pride that we are adding to the house's story and that my parents would be proud to see we are expressing are true selves and making it our home.

The whole process of it, choosing colour schemes, furniture, hanging art, combining our belongings adding a new style has not only made me realise how amazing my parents where, how proud of their home they where, how individual they where, how hard they worked to make their and our surroundings comfortable and beautiful - but how free we should be just like them to surround ourselves with the things, colours, shapes and textures that make us happy - and how now I know I love doing this and it inspires all my artistic persuits - how I am in fact honouring my parents by doing what I love and decorating and styling our home with the things I love.

Having lived the last few years surrounded by a work in progress and esssentially rumagging through a couples life - I want to tell you all one thing - that the cliche of 'you only live once' is there for a reason. I didn't care what brand of wallpaper my parents chose or how expensive the furniture was - I cared how their home showed me who they really where, beyond being 'mum and dad'. If you are starting a decorating project or trying to style your home, don't put it off, dont live in a constant state of 'I'll do it at the weekend' or worried about what is 'on trend' or what everyone else has in their homes. Live for yourself, be true to your tastes, display the things you love around you, choose the colours that make you happy, be unique because no one else can do it for you.

Do as much as you can as and when you can afford it but remember it is worth it as it is you, your partner, your family or whoever you share your home with - will live in it, love it and most importantly create memories in it no one else. There is no one else to answer to - this it now - go create!

Your home - your way can help and support you when you are low, sad, want to hibernate, to be reassured or to be still, meditative, creative, social or organised. Attractive, organised and comforting surroundings create a positive atmosphere and can encourage self care and belief. Be it grief or something else you are going through - life is too short to live somewhere that brings you down that isnt 'you' - especially when trying to deal with such difficult emotions - so why compromise? If you don't make your house your own for whatever reason - through procrastination or insecurity in your own ideas and abilities you will avoid being in it, using it and waste it, neglect it and neglect your own well being. Be brave and improve your surroundings - expressing who you are through your home certainly helped me. I hope you will reap the benefits too.

This house is now our home as it was my parents, me, my husband (and my sister) can see bits of them we have proudly kept but also can see the bits of us. This house represents how glad I am to still be here and what things have influenced me in my life so far. It makes me happy and the more I do to it and the more I look after it the more I feel I am living with my grief -which is the hardest part ( as it never truly goes away) - as we are living life in our home and will never be afraid of doing it our way. Thank you mum and dad faults and all you have made me house proud!

#grief #interiorstyling #morticiaolga #parents #inspiration #home #makingyourhouseahome #inheritance #loss